Insert witty title here
by Amaya Zorifuki
Summary: What happens when a scientist gets ahold of some popular redheads for an experimentslashgift? Warning: this may melt your brain. Slight cracfic.


This fic is a birthday present for my younger sister Millie, whom, if you've read some of my other fics, you would recognize as a sweet and adorable little spawn from hell. I wanted to get her something special, but due to the fact that we are in the process of moving, I had to settle for this.

Disclaimer: I only own myself, various artists and gaming creators own their respective characters, and if anyone ever said they owned Millie, she would put a chair through them. (I'm not kidding)

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(Insert witty title here).

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It was dark, and not a sound was made. There were several people there, but where 'there' was would not be made clear for a while. Eventually, a groan was heard and a light rustling as someone woke up. Then another began to stir, and another, and another, until they were all groaning aloud and mumbling swears.

"Ooh, where am I?" one voice rang out in the darkness, "Why can't I see anything? The last thing I remember was having a cup of tea."

"I was coming home from school." A soft voice called, "When someone clocked me from behind."

"Same here." A chipper voice said, "But why is it so dark? Is it a surprise party?"

"Someone has intentions for us, I pondered this while you all slept." A rather menacing voice sounded, silencing the others, "Good or bad is unknown."

A rather unnerving pause hung in the air, as they all pondered on why they were there. Dark ideas began to leak into the thoughts, from torture to experimentation. Things were feeling grim when a new voice split the silence.

"Whatever reason, we still can be assured that it won't be without fight. I can feel my sword in the dark, and will defend myself if I must."

Several of them called out in agreement. At least things weren't all bad, but it was still a strange thing to suddenly find yourself in a pitch black room with a bunch of strangers. Whoever was responsible was a very powerful person with many resources and possible connections.

Each of them was silenced as footsteps rang out from somewhere outside of the dark room. The steps got louder and louder, and then stopped. There was a jangling sound like keys, and a rustle as the keys fit into a lock. The unseen door unlocked and a knob turned, and a thin line of light blasted through the darkness and grew rapidly. Everyone in the room shielded his eyes, and a voice spoke out during the moment of blindness.

"Oh, you're all up I see."

Each of them noticed the voice was rather high-pitched, it took another moment to get used to the oncoming light, and the light overhead that their captor had turned on. After another minute, they looked at the person with their now adjusted eyes…and gaped.

The captor was a young girl. She looked to be in her teens, and had long brown hair with matching eyes. She wore a light blue shirt with a short sleeved navy hoodie and baggy blue jeans covering her sneakers. In her arms was a notebook and clipboard, and the ones with sharper eyes spotted a mechanical pencil behind her left ear.

"Sorry about the light, but I figured you'd be out for another hour or so." The girl said briskly, "But what happens, happens, right?"

"Um, excuse me," One person said, who was a skinny, long-haired, redheaded man with old fashioned clothes and a sword, "But where are we? And if you don't mind this one asking, who are you?"

She blinked, "Oh, right. My name is Amaya, Amaya Zorifuki, and you are in the guest resting quarters of my research building."

Most everyone winced, research building? That did not sound good.

"Why are we here." The creepy voice said, it belonged to a young red-haired boy with dark circles around his eyes, the kanji for 'love' tattooed on his forehead, and a gourd strapped to his back. Most of the others shivered again, but Amaya smiled.

"Well, here's a better place than none to explain things to you." She sighed, "You see I, along with my colleagues, specialize in trans-dimensional activity. My main line of work is the study of the different dimensional cultures. You all were selected from different worlds and brought here."

There was a pause, when another person piped up. It was a young man with long red hair that made him look rather feminine, and green eyes.

"That doesn't explain why we were brought here." He said in a smooth voice.

Amaya sighed, now looking both flustered and embarrassed, "Well you see, it's my sisters birthday." Nearly everyone face-vaulted at her words. "And I didn't have enough money to get her anything special. So instead I decided to give her, well, her own redhead harem."

Pause, breath, "WHAT?"

"You must have noticed that you each have red or orange hair." Amaya said brightly, "Well, my sister has a thing for redheads, so why not mix this in with an experiment?"

"Are you INSANE?" An orange haired teen yelled, "What kind of experiment is THAT?"

"The effect of attractive redheads on a teenaged girl." Amaya said, "I pitched it to the others and they were all for it by unanimous vote. If you wait here, I'll go get my sister. This room doubles as a testing facility, what with the one way wall to make sure nobody kills anyone, and the cameras to make sure no one steals anything. Some of my colleagues are back there right now."

The men all sighed as another red-haired swordsman spoke up, this one had hair that stuck out in odd angles, and wore what appeared to be medieval clothes.

"I hate to ask this, but how will we get back to our world?"

Amaya sighed "There are two ways back, one is through the portal in the main testing room. The other is by me pressing a special switch, which will either send you all back at once, of one at a time depending on the settings I put into it. Don't even think of trying to steal it. I keep it in a place where no one will find it."

Each guy was silent as she pulled out her clipboard and flipped through it, mumbling under her breath. She began to pace the room as she mumbled, and eventually came to a halt near the creepy boy.

"Okay, due to the fact that we're probably going to spend some time together, lets make sure you all know each others names." She said, "I'll call out your names one by one, I don't care how you respond, but please do so or I will have to zap you."

They al nodded and she read from the list.

"Himura Kenshin."

"Present, oro." Spoke the swordsman with long hair and a cut along his cheek.

"Kikumaru Eiji."

"Here, nya." Said a thin, athletic looking boy.

"Sohma Kyo."

(Insert disgruntled moan here) Moaned the orange haired boy who shouted a lot.

"Minamino Shuichi AKA Kurama?"

"Yes." Said the feminine boy with long red hair and green eyes.

"Sabaku no Gaara?"

Instead of a 'here' or 'present' there was a 'hmm' sound. She turned to the boy with the gourd and tattoo on his forehead, only nodding.

"Right, Roy?"

"Yo." The swordsman with medieval clothes raised a hand.

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Yeah." An orange haired boy with black clothes and a wicked looking blade monotonously spoke out.

Amaya made another check on her clipboard and scanned the room again. "Only seven, that's not much of a harem." She muttered as the beds that they slept on were suddenly thrown back and a table and chairs replaced them.

She quickly sidestepped a bed and ducked at a chair flew above her head. Gaara, Kenshin, Kurama and Eiji also managed to avoid getting hit but others like Kyo, Roy, and Ichigo were not so lucky and got pummeled either by a bed (in the case of Kyo) a chair (In the case of Roy) or both (In the case of Ichigo).

"Now that that's all settled," Amaya continued, "I'll be back with my sister. Wait here and don't kill each other." She left the room at a brick pace, leaving the carrot-tops alone with each other.

Eiji began to whistle, but stopped when Gaara gave him a look that could make anyone wet themselves and melt down into a storm drain. Ichigo fingered the hilt of his sword for a while, and looked over to the other two swordsmen, Roy and Kenshin.

"So…" He said, not sure what to say, "You two been swordsmen long?"

Roy shrugged, "Pretty much. My dad taught me. It's a good thing that crazy girl looked him over. I got my red hair from him."

"As long as this one can recall," Kenshin said, "I have been a swordsman, but now I refuse to kill. I use a reversed blade. And you Ichigo-san?"

"Oh, I'm a soul reaper. I kill the evil dead and purify them."

Roy perked up, "Sounds cool, what's that like?"

The three of them talked about swords, and Kyo gave Eiji a look over. The said boy noticed the menacing look he got, and glanced over at him.

"Yes?"

Kyo bristled, "You look like the most normal one here." He said, "I mean, those guys are from places where swords are considered the norm," (he gestured to the conversing swordsmen) "That guy looks okay, but his long hair makes him too girly," (He pointed to Kurama) "And he's in a class of his own!" He jerked a thumb over at Gaara.

Eiji grinned, "True, I'm a tennis player."

Kyo turned away, "That's too normal."

"Excuse me." Came Kurama's soft voice, "But I'm not as normal as I appear." He pulled out a seed and made it grow before their eyes as if it was a time lapse in a movie.

"Cool!" Eiji's eyes had widened considerably, and even Kyo was awed.

"Thank you I control plants, I can make them grow, recede, and even become a deadly weapon."

"Interesting."

Kurama smiled.

"So what's your story?" By now Kyo had gotten bored with those two and moved on to Gaara, who sighed.

"My father put a demon in me, then tried to kill me when I was six. Everyone hated me and I killed all in my path until I was defeated by a person like me."

The others had grown silent, but Kyo snorted. "So you were a self centered angst-ridden brat?"

"It's as bad as your curse." Kenshin said.

"Yeah I-WHAT?"

The man held up the notebook that Amaya had left in the room. "It says stuff about each of us in here. And you turn into a cat when hugged by a girl."

Kyo slumped down miserably, "Great,"

"Relax." Ichigo said, "At least when all this is over you may never have to see us again."

All they heard from Kyo after that was a grumble in a agreement, before he decided to fall silent for a while. While he had his Emo moment, the others flipped through their stats. They had gotten to Roy's life when Amaya came back into the room.

"I see you spotted my notebook." She said, "I left it there so you could learn a bit about each other. Now you know about Roy being a general, Kurama being a demon, Ichigo being a reaper, Gaara having a demon in him, Eiji being lamely normal, and Kyo having a curse." (Kyo sunk deeper into Emo) "Now, Millie is outside the door, she will pick one or more of you to spend the day with her. You will not complain, because she can be fierce."

They wondered what that meant, but had little time to ponder as Amaya reached outside the door, and pulled in another girl.

"Happy birthday Millie!"

Millie was a good few inches shorter than Amaya. She had short blond hair, and had glasses perched on her nose covering her brown eyes. She also wore blue jeans that were tighter than Amaya's baggy ones, and blue flip-flops, along with a pink shirt that had an picture of lightning striking a vulture. (My idea, don't steal)

She looked at all the boys and grinned. Amaya smiled and said, "I couldn't decide what to get you, so I chose to go for a redhead harem. Pick whichever ones you want."

The blonde girl squealed and thanked her sister. Amaya gave Millie a playful shove, and she went through them to size them up.

"Hmm, who to choose?" She cooed, looking at all of them. She stopped at Kenshin.

"This one is a good one." Amaya said, "A swordsman in prime condition, he has vowed not to kill, and to protect those in danger. A heart of GOLD, honey."

Millie frowned, "He seems a bit too old for me. How old are you?" She asked.

"Err, how old indeed?"

"You don't know your own AGE?" half the people in the room shouted.

Amaya sighed, "Moving on, that one is cool." The referred to Gaara, "A reformed ninja, he uses sand for anything. Great on a trip to the beach."

Millie stared at him, "Don't take this the wrong way," she said to Gaara, "But you strike me as an evil freak."

Gaara stared blankly as the others tried to smother giggles. Amaya outright laughed, and was rolling on the floor.

"Oh, that was good." She said once she recovered, "Anyway, there are five others. We have a tennis player, the jock type might ring out to you." She pointed to Eiji.

"Err, jock type?" The tennis boy mumbled.

"Hmm, keep going."

"How about a straight-A botanist type. You'll never meet a nicer fellow." Kurama sighed at the narration.

"What?" He asked, only to ignored.

"That guy there is medieval," She went on, about Roy, "Also a swordsman, he has fire abilities and is not bad of a looker."

Roy smacked is face with his palm, "The way she's going on it's like were being auctioned off or something."

"No that's for later." She said, before looking at Ichigo, "This one deals with the dead, and is clearly muscled enough to swing a sword like that. Plus he might not look it, but he respects women and refuses to even look at anything nude."

Ichigo flushed, "That's none of your business."

"You said there were seven, you listed only six." Millie said, after a pause.

"Right the last one is over there." Amaya pointed to Kyo, who was still moping in the corner.

Millie took one look at him, and squealed. She ran up to Kyo and began to nuzzle up against him. He bristled at the contact, and she gripped his arm.

"I've decided." She said, "This one." She gripped his arm tighter, and he almost had a heart attack.

"WHAT?" Kyo screamed, "You can't be serious."

Amaya smiled and wrote something on her clipboard, before taking off her shoe and pulling out a small necklace that had a small black sphere. "He's yours, just remember that we have to put him back, so please try not to scar him for life, okay? Here's the switch for when you're done. Just set it to Kyo and he'll head back."

Millie glanced at the necklace, "That was in your shoe."

"No one ever checks the shoe," Amaya said, "I hide everything in there. Now take it of I'll just send him back now."

"Right." Millie said, now grinning from ear to ear and taking the necklace. "Come on Kyo-kun, lets go!"

Kyo felt like a train hit him, "NO! I DON'T WANNA DATE ANYONE! IT'S KAGURA ALL OVER AGAIN! AMAYA, YOU SUCK! YOU GUYS ALL SUCK MORE BECAUSE SHE COULDA PICKED YOU!"

He was dragged out kicking and screaming by the birthday girl, who had a gleam in her glasses that always spelled evil. The others watched in mixed horror and amusement, and Roy had a sinking feeling that he was next.

"Well, now that Millie is occupied, now I just have t deal with you."

Hope! "Does that mean you'll send us back to our worlds?"

"Heck no!" She snapped, "I'm going to auction each of you off to the highest bidders."

There was a stunned silence, "WHAT?"

"Do you have any idea how much money it takes to get the research grants? Selling products from other worlds isn't cutting it anymore, so we've taken it upon ourselves to take any live test subjects and auction them off as dates. You guys are rather popular, so you should get us enough money for us to work on that body-swap project we all wanted to work on. It's probably won't be as much as that blonde auction we did last week, but only because there were so many of them and so few of you."

They stared at her, not sure what to say, when a wall lifted up. Behind it was a crowd of teenage girls with cash in hand. Amaya smiled.

"As you can see, these boys can be yours for a whole day to do whatever you wish! (within reason)"

There was a pause. "WHAT?"

Later that day, there were six very happy fangirls, a joyously happy Millie, and one superbly happy scientist.

- FIN!

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Like I said, a rather awkward fic for my sister. Millie, I hope you liked it, and enjoyed your date with Kyo-kun.

The stolen cast: Amaya and Millie as themselves

Himura Kenshin from Rouroni Kenshin

Eiji Kikumaru from the prince of tennis

Kyo Sohma from fruits basket

Sabaku no Gaara from Naruto

Kurama from Yu yu Hakusho

Roy from Fire Emblem

Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach

Readers! If you actually wanna review or wish her a happy birthday, go right ahead. And I hope you all enjoyed this at the characters expense.

By the way, the blonde auction I spoke of is an entirely different story altogether.

If you wish to join the research team, please let me know. If I get enough people I can start up a C2 that has stories like this.

Ja Ne!


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